It was urgent too, because I’m leaving for SXSW this Thursday and I needed something that was comfortable and usable. My current bag has fulfilled more than its purpose but is on its last legs.

But why did it take so much effort to find the perfect one? Well, because it’s exactly that – perfect. And anything perfect is worth the effort.

Seriously though, I did not expect it to be this difficult. But apparently I am the only person on the planet that needs all of these features in one bag.

1. A full shoulder strap
I’m not sure if I’m the only one but I can only carry stuff on one shoulder – my left. I don’t know what it is, but when I sling something on my right shoulder it always slides off, I’m constantly adjusting…it’s just uncomfortable.

This is not a problem when the bag weighs 1.3 pounds.

But when I have my computer, charge cord, wallet, newspaper, latest book I’m reading, and a few girly essentials – it becomes painful over time if I can’t adjust it.

This is why having the full strap is so important – I can carry this bag in multiple ways.

2. It’s not leather – but it’s not trying to be.
Don’t get me wrong, I loooove leather. I would have bought a leather one had it come with all the extra features. But I preferred one that’s made from a more durable material , something that won’t show wear over time. The less I have to care about what I smash, scrape, drop or throw my bag on, the better.

3. It’s pretty.
During my bag hunting adventures I found a ton of gorgeous bag that wouldn’t be good for my computer. I found a n even greater number of very useful bags for my computer that were equally hideous. I was starting to develop a complex, I mean, I couldn’t be the only working woman on the planet that needed a durable bag that didn’t look like some ugly, fat briefcase?!

4. I’m not carrying a rug.
You know those bags. They are flippin’ huge. My friend calls them “rug purses” because that’s exactly what it looks like – as though you are carrying a rug. This is big, but it’s thin. I can have it on my lap during my commute and it doubles as a perfect tabletop for when I’m doing my crossword (or typing on my computer).

5. There’s more than one pocket.
Again, a pet peeve of mine with the latest style of purses is the sack look. Huge bags that have no compartments, zippers or separations of any sort. How the flip am I supposed to find a damn thing? I need to minimize wasted time. When I stick my hand in I know exactly wear my BlackBerry/lip chap/pen/charger is going to be.

6. Zippers vs. flaps
Efficiency people. Flaps get in the way. They’re also not as secure as zippers.

7. Quality
I neglected to tell you the time I found the ‘i-thought-it-was-a-perfect-bag’  bag. I was so excited because it was on my first excursion. It had all of the necessary features (except it was leather, but I was flexible on that one). I was so excited I sat outside of the store and spent a good 15 minutes transferring things from my old bag to my new one. I slung it over my shoulder and SNAP went the “metal” clasp. I returned it immediately, thoroughly annoyed but in the end thankful it happened then and not when I was on an airplane. But it was NOT a cheaply priced bag and that really annoys me. Why charge so much when the thing is actually crap?

In the end, I recognize that my bag troubles are attributed to the fact that I am so picky but I know what I want and I know what I like (and don’t like). And realistically, I’m so happy with my purchase that I actually want to go and buy a few more bags just to have on hand. Not many people can say that about stuff they purchase.

So where did I end up finding the bag? In the most unlikely place – Indigo books. And it was all thanks to a suggestion made by James. Well, that, and a complete sense of desperation.

* Cooking – I quit Nutrisystem because I noticed it was making me food-lazy. I was never like that before; Hubby and I always enjoyed preparing meals together. Especially living in Dundas, I’m so close to so many good shops that sell local, good quality items. One of our fave things to do is to hit up all the shops while taking Spanky 2.0 for a walk early Saturday morning.  Visiting the cheese shop, Mickey McGuire’s, is the best because they give free samples of everything they suggest you buy.

* Running – Remember I said I was quitting the gym but not quitting working out? It’s summer time so I am going to take advantage of the great weather. I have a plan to get into running, thanks to Zen Habits, and I will blog about it to…it’ll just be more motivation to keep it going.

* Staying at home – This ties into a lot of the things I want to do. Less going out means saying ‘no’ to social functions (see last item on my quitting list), it means less dinners out and more cooking (see first item on this list) and it means more time to read (see below). Oh, and I bet I’ll save a pile of money too.

* Reading books – REAL books. No more work related, social media crap (okay…it’s not crap, I’m just sick of it. I mean, The Long Tail is an amazing concept…but it should have been confined to a blog.) I’m interested in reading as an outlet again. Somewhere during university my love of reading got tainted. Perhaps it was being forced to pay for information from overpriced tree-scraps that we can now find easily with Google. I’m thinking of starting with the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I’ve read the Hobbit but never the trilogy. I’m told its a bit of a difficult read but I’m up for the challenge.

So there, now I don’t feel bad for letting people down and quitting stuff I like to do. I did have a plan…was there ever any doubt?

Lucky for me I have an arsenal of dream books to help interpret my deep subconscious. And have a little fun.

My Dream

In my dream my feet were in cages. Each foot had its own cage, a black wire cage with latches (no locks). Basically, they were like shoes. As I was walking around I noticed that I was not wearing any socks.

Book Definitions

I took a combination of what each book said and mashed it together. In most cases they said similar things.

Foot: Ground, balance. If you are injured on left you are not allowing yourself to recieve; if injured on right you are giving away too much. Feet signifies one’s journey along one’s path and the type of behaviour used to progress.

Barefoot: Grounded and in touch with Earth.

Cage: Pertains to an aspect that prevents the exercise of one’s freedoms or rights. This may even refer to oneself. Cages are self-created prisions; fearof being trapped by own limitations. Fear of self-expression. If cages are not locked you are free to leave throught the doorway to freedom, your own awareness.

Huh?

How do I make sense of any of this. Dreams, horoscopes, tarot – they are all the same in that it requires interpretation. It’s not that this book is predicting the future, but rather that these symbols represent things that I am thinking/feeling. By analyzing them I’m helping to understand myself a little better.

So, what does it all mean to me?

The part that struck me the most was my fear of self-expression. Me? But I have a blog! I put my thoughts and ideas out there for everyone to see. I have a Facebook account that shares intimate details of my life with strangers. And my Flickr account? Pictures into my life that anyone can pick up and learn so much about me. I’m not afraid of self-expression.

Or am I?

I have been thinking of changing it up on here for quite some time. I just feel like this blog is not a true representation of who I am. If you only know me through my online self, would you be surprised if you were to meet me offline?

And I will admit. I’ve been holding back. I have been going through a lot lately and have half written a bunch of posts. I don’t finish them because it gives me an excuse not to hit the publish button.

Why? I’m afraid of admitting that my life is not going the way I planned.

Sure, I’m human. But seriously, I have never felt this insecure or vulnerable . Not even when I was a teenager. So why now?

To make a long story short (too late) I think that my mind is telling me that I need to exhaust every outlet that I can to ensure that I am getting myself out there.

Okay, fine then. I will. We’ll see how that works out. I suppose spilling my guts about this dream is a start.